Object (ionable) Fictions: Part II

 

Object: HAL EGADS (Heuristically programmed Algorithmic Electronic Garbage Disposal System)

 

Description:

 

As stated earlier, HAL EGADS is a sentient program and hardware device designed to perform multiple tasks that support human needs. The first iteration was released as a Heuristically programmed Algorithmic computational device, though not of the HAL 9000 series. Unlike the aforementioned product line, the HAL EGADS was designed to interact with and dispose of emotions and thoughts unproductive to the human species. Effectively, it is “heuristic” in the sense that it is able to learn and discover how to execute its design purposes through each successive interaction with a human.

 

While its first iteration was a massive success, there was a desire to create a version of HAL EGADS which could capitalize on its use as an effective disposal system for human waste. While the first iteration disposed of intangible waste (e.g. feelings, thoughts), the second iteration provided more support for human needs by being able to accept formerly useful manufactured goods and manufacturing byproducts and effectively deconstruct them. This deconstruction is perhaps more accurately described as a disintegration process. Note, however, that the HAL EGADS does not perform complete evaporation of the materials as that process would defy the laws of physics. Rather, much in the same way that HAL EGADS unburdens humans of their emotional detritus, in its secondary use HAL EGADS transforms unwanted physical materials into a raw material form that may be reused for building more manufactured human commodities. Transformation is what HAL EGADS offers its users, and it is the only product of its kind currently patented and approved for human interaction and use. For more information, please contact the HAL Manufacturing Plant at the ILLIAC (Illinois Automatic Computer) facility located at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign.